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You Give Love a Bad Name



You Give Love a Bad Name

I am an ‘80s girl who loves ‘80s rock. An ‘80s girl, who loves ‘80s rock and has a preacher for a daddy - a rock’n’roll hating preacher daddy.


Music was a big deal at my house and it came with a lot of rules.


The rules were:

  1. No rock and roll.

  2. No rock and roll in the house.

  3. No rock and roll when you leave the house.

  4. No rock and roll in the car.

  5. No rock and roll on the TV.

  6. No rock and roll when you ride in your best friends' car.

  7. No rock and roll when you are at your best friends’ house.

  8. I repeat, no rock and roll.

Are you getting the picture? No rock and roll.


But I loved it. I mean, who can resist a little Bon Jovi?


No matter how careful I was to hide my addiction to rock, it never failed that dad would crank my car to find - yep you guessed it – rock and roll, turned up a little too high!


When I met my husband, one of my favorite things was the fact he was an ‘80s guy. He was an 80’s guy who loved rock and roll. He could play the electric guitar, and could play rock and roll! I guess I have a type.


Dad, if you’re reading this, I promise he loves Jesus more than rock and roll.


Just like a good throwback song, marriage gets better with time (especially when you let yourself have fun). Andy and I have been married for 16 ½ years, and honestly, we’re having more fun than ever. Well, on most days. Actually, on the days he does what I want and isn’t needy (just keeping it real).


I like simple. I like a plan. And I don’t like needy.


It was a sunny Saturday early in our marriage and I decided that I wanted to go above and beyond to love and serve my husband. I wanted to go beyond simple, or what I had planned, and just do something extra for him. I felt very equipped to do this “extra” for him because I had been very intentional that morning to spend extra time in prayer. I had been writing out specific prayers for my husband, *super spiritual wife moment*, journaling about Scripture and reading a book on marriage.


I was going to serve the heck out of him and I had a plan. I had my plan.


It was lunch time, so what better way to show love and serve to your husband - than by giving him food? And honestly, I knew lunch would be easy and quick. Andy was about to see Super Wife Steph and I was going to show off that I had been with Jesus! Great idea, Steph. I’m happy. He’s happy. ‘80s rock is playing, the sun is shining and then it happens. I ask him what kind of sandwich he wanted. He wanted peanut butter. Well, alrighty then, I will get right to that. But wait. Without warning, the most horrific, most horrible thing ever happened! Are you ready?


He wanted me to toast his bread. What? Toasted bread? Who toasts their bread for a peanut butter sandwich? Toast is for breakfast, not lunch. And then…he asked if I would put butter on one side of the bread and peanut butter on the other.

Am I a genie in a bottle? Rachael Ray? Martha Stewart? No, no, no honey.


At that moment in time, the details became a little fuzzy. I completely lost it! It was an out of body experience. The 80’s rock and roll faded into the back ground. While the music faded, our voices escalated. A lot of words and not a lot of listening. What had just happened?! Did I just fall apart over toast after I had spent the entire morning praying, writing, and reading?! Every single thing that God wanted for me, for Andy and for our marriage, the enemy tried to tear apart all over toast.


So much for a sunny Saturday. That day, I gave love a bad name! Nothing I did that day demonstrated love for my husband or for Jesus!


Here’s what God taught me about buttered toast:

  • When God asks us to serve someone, it’s not always simple or part of my plan, or what I envisioned. You know why? Because it’s not about us.

  • Loving our spouse can’t be dependent on them doing what we want and acting the way we feel or expect they should.

  • When we are striving to do more, pray more and read more, the enemy will attack more! We have to recognize who the enemy is. The enemy is not our spouse, friend, or family member - the enemy [satan] knows he has lost but is a very sore loser. The best he can do is try to discourage you, suffocate you with sin, and try to destroy your relationships over something as simple as toast.



Have you experienced a “toast” moment with a spouse, with a friend, with a co-worker? Don’t forget grace! Apologize. Admit you messed up. After you make up – crank up the music and dance! But if you crank it up in the car - don’t forget to turn the music back down!

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© 2019 by Stephanie Carter.

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